Frustrated. But recalibrating.

The frustration is real. I've been on this journey for how long? I started this blog on November 2, 2019 so I guess I hit 16 weeks already. And I have to say, I'm disappointed. And frustrated. And all those feelings that go along with when you set a goal for yourself and don't reach it. 

So we all remember I started here, right? 166 pounds.

And I recently crossed the minus 10 pounds landmark and saw 156 on the scale.

Briefly. As it turns out, this morning I'm back to 158 pounds. I know the scale doesn't tell the whole story. But still, I'm disappointed. 

Here's the thing. I'm making excuses for myself. In reality, yes I've been "working out" regularly. I do workouts on my stationary bike at least 5-6 times per week. I've actually gotten into a really good rhythm with that. But the workouts are at best 45 minutes and at worst 15 minutes. Most weekday workouts end up being only 20 or 30 minutes. Is this better than nothing? Yes. Of course. But is it the best it could be? Not by a long shot. I know I can do better.  So I must do better.

Also, yes, it's the winter and I didn't expect to be running all that often. We don't have a treadmill at home and I'm one of those fair weather friends of running. So when it's cold, rainy, icy/snowy, etc you better believe my sneaks are staying put. But here's the thing: This winter has not been overly cold or overly precipitous. I'm talking NO snow in the dead of February up here in the northeast. I also know that or three separate occasions within the past...2 weeks(?)...the temperatures have crept up to 50 degrees or above. Let me say that again for the people in the back. 50+ DEGREES IN FEBRUARY. That is IDEAL running weather. So I seized the opportunity this past Sunday and clocked 4 miles (at turtle speed of course). I feel good about that. Now if only I could do more.

Concerning nutrition, I'm iffy at best. My husband and I meal prep all our meals for the week on Sunday (Saturday if we absolutely have to) and we tend to pick healthy-ish meals or meals we can make "healthier" but swapping out some of the unhealthy ingredients. On a scale of 1 to 10 I would rate my diet as...4.Maybe another day I'll post a round up of the healthy-ish meals we have on repeat. But for now let's just say I have a binge-eating problem. I'll post more about that later.

In the spirit of full disclosure, this past weekend (when the scale crept back up from my elated 156 to a much less exciting 158 pounds) was likely due to the following:

1. Saturday morning I spent some time with my family. I started the day off well, with a brief  "run" with my sister, who is currently training for her first 5k. She is a big spinner but has never been a runner and is starting from zero. Though she's too hard on herself so if you ask her she'd probably tell you she is starting from less than zero. Anyway, we did a 2 mile interval run with 1/1:30 jog/walk intervals and she did great! So again, the morning started off well enough right? Then it went downhill. I went over my parents' house to spend time building with my mom (we've been building a miniature dollhouse since I was in law school and it's still not done) but first we had to run to the store for her to pick out a new mirror for her bathroom remodel. So naturally, my sister, my dad, and my mom all went to the store and then to eat lunch. Admittedly, it was my fault because I was the one who offered Chick Fil A. But really, can you blame me? Who can say no to Chick Fil A? So, I ordered an 8 count grilled chicken nugget (not bad) with large fries (ut oh) and a small diet lemonade (honestly I prefer water). I also ordered a small vanilla shake (WHAT?).  Hear me out, I brought back 45% of the shake for my brother who elected not to join us for shopping and lunch.  After working on the house for a little bit, we decided we needed some more supplies and ran to another store. On the way back, my mom wanted to stop at Dunkin Donuts. I ordered a small frozen hot chocolate and a marble donut (250 calories the sign said). Lastly, after more building, my sister, brother, and I went to dinner at a sushi restaurant. I ordered a salmon avocado roll (good choice), rainbow roll (good choice), and a chicken tempura roll (uhh, not the best choice). We also split an edamame appetizer. 

2. Then on Sunday I had lunch with my in-laws over our house. Barbecue.  Yep. So you know there were mondo calories involved there. Plus I had mashed potatoes and mac'n'cheese. Which were DELICIOUS.  Then they always bring dessert and we had peanut butter pie. Do I regret it? No. It was TASTY. Do I wish I could have exercised slightly more restraint across the whole smorgasbord of a meal?? Of course. But this was the day I did a 4 mile run/walk so at least I tried to offset it with something active. Clearly it was not enough. The scale was quickly to remind me of that.

3. And thus far this week I have continued to treat myself with Girl Scout cookies (caramel delites, peanut butter patties, and smores) and the remainder of the peanut butter pie. Ugh. I really need to get this under control.

But I will say this. There is a slight silver lining. Yesterday at my office one of my coworkers had french fries or chicken fingers or something. And that heavenly HEAVENLY mouthwatering-inducing fried food smell wafted its way throughout the office. I make no complaints about that--I do LOVE that smell. And my mind quickly started to nag me to order the chicken finger and fries meal from the downstairs cafe. "Hey, it's Fat Tuesday after all. Live a little." The voice whispered. Frankly, the voice almost won to be honest.  But I resisted and stayed true to my turkey pita I brought from home. Bonus points, I kept that $9 chicken finger and fries meal cost in the bank. So my belly may have felt like it was missing out on fried food but my mind (and bank account) were pleased with my decision.

So the purpose of this post is really this: You fell down? Get back up. Try to figure out what went wrong and then, as my father says, "keep on trucking." Here I go. Still trucking.

I hope you're making progress on your journey. If you are not seeing the progress you want, take a good honest look and evaluate.  Something can likely be improved.